Landon...the one I have been telling you guys about...you know...the one that I like...Well...he wants to be a priest....so there is no chance of me being married to him....who knows?...maybe he just dates for fun....

I don't really like him as much as I do James...our friend relationship is growing...he's beome more open with me and stuff....showing me lots of affection like hugs and stuff and I'm doing the same with him...lots and lots of hugs...we see each other all the time at play practice and we hangout and go to the HUDDLE HOUSE with a bunch of our friends alot and we talk on the computer sometimes till 3AM....for Halloween me and him and a bunch of our WBS friends are going to see WALLACE AND GROMMIT:CURSE OF THE WERERABBIT...he<JAMES> told me that he would take me on a date sometime...just the two of us as friends and I was like SCORE!!My date tomorrow is going to be with James too...he told me I could hold his hand...I told him I was paying my way...so he's gonna hold my hand instead of paying...which I think is a good idea because we are like such good friends and stuff.....and because he wasn't planning on paying for me anyways...he said...let me hold your hand instead...LOL...I said OK COOL BEANS!!I'd rather have him hold my hand than pay anyways.I mean he's already bought me a teddy bear and now he's ordered me a CP braclet for me...It's sssoooooooo sweet!!

                                                                *I LOVE JAMES!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!*

You know...the more you talk to people...the more you earn their trust and get to learn alot more about them than ever before...I find out alot of things I never knew by being people's friends and earning their trust and even if it feels like you're going nowhere...you're actually going somewhere very special to them...their hearts...are very sacred and specail place to everyone.Never give up when you feel like you're stuck in a ditch with some one you really want to be able to trust you beacuse actually you're traveling smoothly on the highway to their hearts.

It's kinda depressing here in my room...maybe it's because I didn't get enough sleep last night or maybe bcause it's pretty dark in here...or it could be both...anyhow it makes no difference...the point is I'm tried and my eyes are drooping.

I am so crushin' on that guy I told ya'll about last night!!I really hope he likes me because I have never had anybody just sit there and talk to me like that before....being so sweet and all....for the first time...I didn't feel like a troubled teen...just looking for a friend...I felt like a real person...a person who was alive...not dead inside...the butterflies really woke me up!!

I guess that's all I have for today...Ummm...I got play practice tomorrow!!YEA!!

BYE EVERYBODY!!

Hey guys!!

                            My friend is doing OK...if I said anything else it would be a lie...he hasn't been back at his house in a week...just last night to get his script...I been being there for him...actually now that I know this part about is life I feel closer to him then ever before...it's kinda nice...

Guys...I think I'M IN LOVE!!!!!!OMFG!!!!!!He's just so sweet and cute!!!!!Brown shaggy hair,Brown stuffed teddy bear eyes,(The kind you just want to gaze in forever!!)beautiful full pink lips....he's just amazing!!!!!!We had a nice conversation today during play practice....though butterflies were fluttering in the pit of my stomach...and personally I think there might have been some in his too...One of my other friends said it could be very possible that he could be interested in me....sooo....YEA!!!!!

That's all I got for now see ya guys later!!

Tonight was play practice...one of my friends(who shall remain nameless)was kinda late...this never happens to him...you see...he's always early.The other shocker is this:He brought his Mom...which I had never seen her in my life...and we've known each other since Feburary...so that was really strange...OK...now I'll tell you the whole story...

My friend went somewhere before practice and had to come home to get his script.His Mom was acting very aggressive and saying:"I WANNA GO TO PRACTICE WITH YOU!!""I WANNA GO TO PRACTICE WITH YOU!!""I WANNA GO TO PRACTICE WITH YOU NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!"He was kinda weirded out by the whole...I wanna go to practice with you thing.My friend said to her:"You don't ever come to practice anyway...nothing special going on or anything."....but she demanded to go...so he took her with him...when they got in the car my friend noticed that is mom was carrying a mug...he asked her what it was..she just said coke.He thought everything was going to be OK but as they drove on to the playhouse she got more and more silly...My friend said to our little "cliqe" that he thought he could smell alchol...and he just got this scared look on his face...Well...as the play practice was up and moving smoothly...All of a sudden while people were practicing my frends' Mom just started screaming and laughing really loud...my friend was trying to ignore her while he was on stage ...and his Mom just kept on and on and on and on....screaming and laughing...We ALL tried to ignoire it...Our little cliqe I mean...nobody else knew what was going on they were just dumb founed...Finally after practice was over my friend talked to our cliqe and said he couldn't go to the Huddle House with us because is Mother was drunk and he had to drive her home....then he started to cry and walked out the door I ran for him and told him I loved him,gave him a hug,and a kiss on the cheeck....he broke down at this time and told me that he was ssssooo sorry...I just held him.Then he turned around to put his Mom in the car...she was stubbling...she couldn't even walk in a straight line...she said to my friend..."Is that our car?" and he was like NO NO MOTHER ours' is over here...he said he was so sorry once,gave me a hug,and said goodbye...Later when the rest of us went to the Huddle House he called one of my good friends and told her what his Mother had been drinking it was Jack on the Rocks mixed in Coke...

This all made me sad tonight....How could such a nice guy...get a alcoholic Mother...?I have never seen him cry till today...he was so embarressed...his embarressment led him to tears...

He's always been happy and been there to cheer me up when I'm down...this is just too much for me  tonight...he dosen't deserve this at all!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  T T *TEARS*

Hey guys...I love you  ppl sssooo much...thanks for all the commenting and the great and helpful advice...last night was bad...so...thanks for helping me through it!!You guys are great!!Good news...I didn't cut myself either...I was just sad/mad...thanks again for helping me!!Me and my friend James are no longer mad at each other...we sorted that out when we got home.There might be something that triggered my emotioal state last night also...*UH HEM* PMS!!...Yeah my "friend" came for a 5 day visit this morning...so unfortunatly I am having to welcome "him" and it sucks!!

Nothing is really going on today...my Grandfahter is just helping me clean out my closet since I don't feel good...Right now it's sort of a mess...we're not finished yet...I'm just taking a break to post right now...I love blogging!!Helps me alot to hear from you guys!!(When I say guys I'm referring to everyone...not just guys...HE HE!!)

Halloween is coming soon!!Halloween is one of my favorite holidays besides Christmas...Know why...because I get stuff...candy on Halloween and presents on Christmas...but remember...Christmas is not just about presents it's about loving and giving!!Don't forget that as you are opening your presents....and also...even if you don't like the present you get from somebody thanks them anyways because it might be all they could afford or honestly thought it would be somehting you really would like...so remember to be nice too!!

They are showing some cool things on TV because it is almost Halloween like Horror movies and stuff...yeah...my kind of thing!!Everybody tune in!!(Just kidding...if you don't like that kinda stuff...don' t watch it...to each there own...)

I think I want to be Tinkerbell for Halloween...I have a shrink appointment Halloween day...maybe I should wear my Tinkerbell costume to the shrinks office???...lol!!That would be something...something very funnny!!I don't think I'm going trick-or-treating though...because there are not many places to go around here...except my Great-Grandmother's house...lol!!We live out in the Boondocks!!I might just go to Walmart and buy lots and lots of bags of candy...come home in my Tinkerbell outfit...chill out on the bed and whatch NIGHTMARE ON ELM STREET...Yeah I think that would be a good idea...just a nice and quite Halloween...It's not like kids are gonna come up to our house since we live in the Holler!!lol!!Sometimes we get rolled...but I think that's sort of fun to clean up because you could put it all in a pile later and jump into it!!lol!!Yeah I think I'm just gonna hang out at home Halloween night.

I guess that's all I have for now...Bye guys!!TTYL!!Love you lots!!Don't forget to keep commenting...it helps me...Alot!!...I enjoy reading everything you guys have to say...It lets me know I have more friends out there then I thought I did...So keep it comin' and I'll keep readin'!!Bye everyone!!

hey guys...once again.I'm gonna give you my lyric post that goes sord of along the lines of what happened to me tonight and then I'll give you the story.

   ***I'M ONLY GONNA GIVE THE CORUS OF THIS SONG***

                                        LOVE ME FOR ME  BY:ASHLEE SIMPSON

                                                      HERE I AM,

                                                      AS PERFECT AS I'M EVER GONNA BE

                                                       YOU'LL SEE

                                                      LOVE ME FOR ME

                                                       STICK AROUND,

                                                       I'M NOT THAT KINDA GIRL YOU WANNA LEAVE

                                                       YOU'LL SEE

                                                    LOVE ME FOR ME

Now I can tell you the story...It was the end and we were all hanging outside talking and I asked my friend James if he wanted to go get a burger or something...and he said no...don't think so...I'm not hungery...Well after that we went to the huddle house...me and my gradfather...well not even 5minutes later James came in with all the other play ppl...I got really upset...I ran in the bathroom and started crying...and then ran outside to call my grandmother but before I even touched the botton on the phone James tapped me on the shoulder and said Are You Mad At Me?and I explained to him that my feelings were hurt bad and then I broke down in his arms...he said I didn't mean to make it look like I was ignoring you or that I didn't want to hang out with you...I just changed my mind...I said it hurts my feelings when you say no to me but show up with a bunch our friends...that really hurt.He said I'm sorry...and we gave each other a make-up hug...

See when ppl do that esp. to me I can't help but think that there is somthing wrong with me....maybe it's the disney maybe the stephen king or the fact that I have CP SPD BP Severe Depression,suicidal tendencies,I'm a cutter,OCD,Hystronia,and I suffer from axiety attacks,and Hyper Sensitivity...so....I think why would they want me there anyways...I'm crazy...but I'm always going to like Stephen King and Disney stuff so...LUV ME FOR ME...if you don't maybe I have some clothes in my closet that would make me like you want to...but I won't change what I like as far as Stephen King and Disney stuff goes and I certainly can't change what's in my mind...I have disorders...even I can't change that...so it really hurt alot at 1st but we apologized...I still am hurt...crying a little now...I feel like cutting...

                                                                  B4N!!

 Hey Everyone!!

                        What's up guys/girls?Hope your day is going the way you wanted it to.Ummm...I'm new to this site..(as you can probably figure out.)don't really know how to work everything yet...like is there some kind of profile thingy we can fill out or whatever?Anyways I have a busy day ahead of me...I havta go to play practice tonight for A CHRISTMAS CAROL.(HISH ME LUCK!!)If you're wondering who I play...I am Belinda.(One of the Crachit children.)Ummm I will most likely be very tired when I get home...but I will try to write some more...I guess that's all I have to say right now...Ummm...If you can help me figure this thing out in anyway just comment I guess...I'll have to figure out how to get that far also...LOL!!Well...Talk to you guys later...maybe...Bye for now...*